Poofs and Lezzers

A quick word about this important social issue, which obviously must be dealt with sensitively and intelligently.

In X-Men 2: Fievel Goes West, the mum says to her kid, who is a mutant, “Have you tried not being a mutant?” This is a terribly clever and original use of subtext by director Bryan Singer, because it’s like mutants are sort of like gays, and Bryan is “one of them”, if you can follow my clever and original subtext.

But it wasn’t remotely original because as any fule kno, Joyce says exactly the same thing to Buffy in Season 2’s Becoming (Part 2).

Buffy has been metaphorically gay for ages, because Joss Wedon himself is metaphorically gay. He’s married to a lady, and all that, but you know that see-through plastic girl’s backpack that Dawn has in Once More With Feeling? That belonged to Joss. And in any case, that was musical theatre. We all know what that is Hollywood secret code for, don’t we? Fancying boys.

Forget Willow and Tara moving that coke machine using only the power of their tits. For the most lesbific storyline ever, I’d go for Season Three.

Never mind how in Revelations Buffy teases her friends by talking about how she’s seeing someone and turns out to be Faith. It all goes completely gay in Bad Girls, which starts with Buffy and Faith having a flirty chat about how are both “Slayers” – not like anyone else - and they “get off” on slaying. Buffy is coy about this, but Faith accuses her of playing Miss Goody Two Shoes. Faith is basically saying, “You love it really, don’t you, you dirty cow.” Then you’ve got the bit where they do a bit of slaying together and then go for a boogie together at the bronze. They’re surrounded by men but those men don’t stand flippin’ chance with them.

And you’ve got the bit where Faith huffs on the window and draws a heart in it – because she and Buffy are in love! Ah, no, then she draws a stake through it. She’s just inviting Buffy to go slaying with her. But that’s just another word for fiddling with each other’s parts until they go off, clearly.

Possession

There is one kind of Star Trek episode that is always easy to get made…